One morning I thumbed through the pages of my bible and my eyes fell on a familiar passage. “Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt… be removed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness through deceitful desires.” (NIV-Ephesians 4:22-24)
I felt like someone threw cold water in my face. My new self? How am I new?
My pastor often shares with our congregation how we can pray to bring Jesus into our hearts and become ‘new’ in Him. I’ve been a believer since childhood, but most of my early adult life, the pages of my bible remained closed. When the church I joined encouraged bible reading, my life changed.
I read the passage again. Yes, I thought, I have changed. The more I study scripture, I realize how guilty I am of pride, worry, judgement and a multitude of toxic behaviors I’m trying hard to correct. I can honestly say I didn’t recognize these issues as sin before I had read God’s word.
I scrunched my bottom into the soft cushions of the couch. I believe God wants us to conform to His demand to love everyone as He loves us. As I said this to myself I felt tingles creep up my spine. It’s not always easy to show love to someone who hurts me. It’s hard   sometimes, to trust that God will pull me through the worst of trials. Holy? Righteous? Me? Certainly not, but I am more aware of my old self and my ability to be more Christ like today.
When I see someone dressed differently and begin to judge, I’m able to stop. I feel the Holy Spirit admonish me. My insides moan as soon as I’ve screeched “stupid” at the driver who cuts me off. I now look skyward and say. “I’m sorry God. Please don’t let him hurt someone or himself.”
I’m able to forgive because I know God asks this of us. I have trouble sometime forgetting the hurt but I no longer stew stew over it.
I’ve been a “Biblical Martha,” in that I like to be in control.This is an area of my life where God keeps thumping the top of my head to remind me, He is in control! I ask forgiveness about this often!
I brought my feet up under me on the couch and thumbed through more scripture. “I rejoice not because you were grieved into repenting, for you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (NIV 2nd Corinthians 7:11) It’s tough in our world today to think we   have to repent daily, because we do, since so many worldly things tempt us. Sometimes I ask forgiveness for the same wrong I asked for the week before! I grieve for this. I sometimes rationalize by stretching a truth because I don’t want to hurt someone else with truth. The Holy Spirit whispers in my ear. “An untruth is a lie no matter how you stretch it.”
I closed my bible. Yes, I’ve thrown out most of my old self and I know I will never be sin free. I laughed out loud when it donned on me, what I’d really like, is to be new on the outside! Wrinkles burrow their lines over my face and I don’t recognize the woman in my mirror. My backside needs some whittling too. Wait a minute… I’m I being prideful? Old self be gone! Love yourself as you are girl! I sipped my coffee, pulled my bible close to my chest and brushed the thinning grey hair from my eyes. Humbled, I thanked God for all my blessings and vowed to be content with my aging outside because I could actually feel the changes as I penned my thoughts; a new inside, my heart was growing in and with His word. Certainly a “newer me” is evolving.

A New Me?

2 thoughts on “A New Me?

  • March 22, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you for sharing.
    Awesome read.

  • March 23, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    You know, my child, I love you because you have brought such joy in my life. I am almost finished with your Pebbles. I love it . You have brought great love of Christ. You have brought great love as a friend. Thank you.


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